Alone vs. Lonely
Being Content Alone
(Billi’s thoughts)
As someone who has spent most of my life solo, lately being alone seems foreign.
It’s not that I don’t like to be alone. I guess being alone became a weird feeling when I got into a relationship and now that I am back on the solo train, it can seem a little odd to not have someone by my side 24/7. Someone to word vomit to, share all the fun stuff, get validation and find support from.
I say odd but it’s also starting to to feel like a rewarding journey.
Below is a quote I read the other day and that was spot on for what I needed to hear.
“each moment you spend tending to your old wounds makes space for new peace”.
This resonated with me because quite frankly it has been very painful to be in my own head.
Despite how heavy it may get, I know I need to spend time in my head so I become better at understanding my emotional triggers and holding myself accountable to my own truths.
All these practices have positive outcomes, but the action of taking the dark scary tunnel to get to the light is very daunting and eerily lonely.
It’s funny how different my solo lifestyle has been.
Previously I was traveling the world alone yet I always felt welcomed and connected. Now staying in one spot solo leaves me feeling so very disconnected from my surroundings.
I know things will get easier. I won’t always feel like I have lost a part of me. The emptiness will be filled with all the things I am truly passionate about.
The challenge of sitting in this developmental stage is one I’ll always hate and love at the same time. I guess It’s all part of learning to be content with being alone.
“How to Be Happy Alone: 15 Tips From a Therapist”
-By Andrea Brognano, LMHC, LPC, NCC - Medically Reviewed by Kristen Fuller, MD
(Edited / shortened for our reading. Check out the full article below)
To experience true happiness in life, it is important to take the time to better understand yourself and what brings you joy. Being alone lets you find out more about and develop a relationship with yourself.
Is It Okay to Be Alone?
Unfortunately, choosing to be alone often comes with negative stigma or judgment from society, family members, or friends.
However, being alone can expand a person’s differentiation of self and their self-awareness. They can develop a true understanding of themselves and pursue what gives them purpose. Not only does this benefit the individual themselves, but it can also help them be better partners in the future if they decide to be in a relationship.
Being Alone Vs. Feeling Lonely
Even people who are in relationships can feel lonely! Being happy alone comes from finding contentment and fulfillment in oneself. Loneliness often occurs when someone lacks this satisfaction, perhaps due to feelings of abandonment, the desire for validation, or the need for emotional and relational support.
15 Tips on How to Be Happy Alone
1. Take a Social Media Break
To feel happy alone, it’s important to stop comparing your life to others. You may be tempted to do so when scrolling through social media. One way to combat this self-criticism is by taking a social media break. It’s a well known fact that social media impacts a person’s self-esteem, so consider taking a hiatus for a few days.
2. Try a New Hobby
Being alone provides you the time to start exploring your interests. Testing out new hobbies can help spark joy and creativity in your life. Consider finding an activity that you have not tried before.
3. Prioritize Self-Care
The most important aspect of self-care is focusing on doing things that YOU enjoy. There are several benefits of self-care and ways to practice this. This may include attending a concert or even nearby, participating in your hobby, or having a spa day. Do whatever truly allows you to engage in self-love.
4. Have a Date-Night With Yourself
Date nights are fun with a partner, but who says you can’t have one on your own? Think about any activities you have wanted to do with someone else and do them by yourself. Take an opportunity to have a special night alone–whether it be dinner, dancing, movies, or even an arcade. Making time to ‘date’ yourself helps you understand what you do and don’t like–and you don’t need to consider anyone else’s opinion about what to do and where to go.
5. Stay Physically Active
There are many mental health benefits of exercise and staying active is especially helpful when living alone. Physical movement releases endorphins which boost mood and decrease stress.
6. Get Outdoors
The benefits of nature on mental health are numerous–getting outside and soaking in the sun is a great way to improve your well-being. You could start with a walk in your neighborhood or simply sit out on your porch.
7. Try Volunteering
Learning how to practice gratitudeencourages you to find joy in what you have and share this happiness with others. Consider volunteering within your local community or for a cause that you feel passionate about. Giving back is a great way to practice thankfulness and can also offer an outlet to learn even more about yourself.
8. Nurture Your Relationships
Whether you’ve chosen to be alone on your own or not, it is important that you still have connection with others. This means taking time to nurture the relationships you currently have in your life. Reach out to family, friends, or even coworkers.
9. Make a Plan
If there’s something you’d like to accomplish, make a plan and stick to it. Being alone actually comes with the added benefit of limited distractions or interruptions. This means you can focus on achieving your dream at your own pace. There are many ways to set and achieve healthy goals, but only you can follow through with these. One way to practice this is to sit down and write out what you want to see in the coming weeks, months, and years.
10. Focus on Self-Love
Learning how to love yourself is essential, but certainly isn’t easy. Self-love comes from accepting yourself for who you are–including all of your faults. One way to practice this is to look at yourself from an objective viewpoint and offer yourself praise or compliments. Focus on saying kind things to yourself throughout the day!
11. Give Thanks
Sometimes it helps to simply take a step back to look at what you’re thankful for. This could include loved ones in your life, physical possessions, or even parts of yourself!
12. Cook a Good Meal
Make an effort to ‘wine and dine’ yourself. Nourishing your soul doesn’t always need to come from trying new things or hobbies. Eating a good meal can also bring you a sense of joy and happiness.
13. Write It Down
When negative thoughts are clouding your mind, you may start to feel bad about yourself or your life. Taking the time to brain dump and journal every day offers you the chance to rid yourself of these feelings in a healthy way. Write down everything you’re experiencing (both the positive and negative) and reflect on your emotions. This self-reflection can help you identify what may be causing you stress or unhappiness in your life.
14. Get Lost in a Book
Adventure awaits in literature, no matter the genre or length of a book. Reading offers you the opportunity to escape to another world, learn new things, and expand your interests.
15. Dance It Out
As the saying goes, “dance like nobody’s watching!” Take a break to dance freely and without judgment. Allow yourself the chance to destress and move your body in ways that you enjoy.
When Therapy Can Help
If you are struggling with loneliness, therapy can help. It can be tough to determine if you need therapy, but seeking support can provide you with much needed guidance.
Final Thoughts
Experiencing true happiness while being alone often comes down to learning more about yourself. There are many ways to do this and cultivate a life in which you feel fulfilled. If you face challenges along the way, a therapist can help you stay focused on identifying your goals and intentions.
Thought/ Journal Topics:
do you like being alone ?
Why or why not ?
What emotions come up when you spend time alone?
Describe your ideal day if you could do anything you wanted while alone.
What does self care look like for you?
For 5 mins write about what it feels like for you to be alone.
Take 5 mins to write about the things you love about yourself the most.
