Mens Mental Health
(Billi’s thoughts)
Recently I’ve been watching as a few male mates struggling with how to express themselves when it comes to their mental health.
This isn’t the first time I have seen this and it definitely won’t be the last. Men’s mental health not been talked about enough.
There is a stigma that if they do they are not “being a manly.” Or maybe that’s just my own interpretation of it.
I can never fully understand how they feel, what they are thinking, what they are struggling with and how hard it can be for them to open up.
I can only speak from watching my dad suffer from depression and social anxiety. My dad is my hero and my best friend, we talk everyday. However it wasn’t always like that. Until 2013, he was physically but not emotionally present. I got a phone call from him telling me he really wasn’t okay. This phone call was hard to stomach, as it was coming from someone who was always seen as a tough guy. He ended up quiting his job, drinking less and seeking some help. That was the first step. Due to some life changes in 2019, my dad found himself at a low point again. Thankfully I was living at home at this time, and even if it was terribly hard to watch him go through it, we had some really important conversations about how the only way he could move forward was to look deep down inside himself and work on things that he wasn’t happy with about himself.
He got facebook, wrote a post about how he was feeling and found that his world that he felt so distant from, had no idea what he was going through. His community was there for him in minutes. Since then there has obviously been ups and downs but I am so proud of how far he has come. Sometimes I see so much of myself in my dad that I feel his pain deeply. This also means I feel his triumphs just as much.
I share this story because men’s mental health is a topic that is very complex. Again I am only speaking from a place of watching and with the little knowledge I have from childhood development.
Watching children develop, little girls seem to be so independent (most of the time), and the little boys were the ones that needed more emotional support. Then as they get older they are told to ‘man up’, be tough, and keep quiet about anything that might show weakness.
Sadly, this makes so much sense to me when it comes to men’s suicide being higher than woman’s, and why men may act out as they do when mad, sad or confused.
Again I am just speaking from the sidelines and would personally like to learn more about how it is to be a male in this world, so then I can help where needed.
“The Complete Guide to Mental Health Care for Men”
-By Adam England for Health Line
(Edited / shortened for our reading. Check out the full article below)
Mental health conditions don’t discriminate. People of all genders can experience depression, anxiety, and other mental health conditions. But they may look different in men.
Gender stereotypes and stigma can also make it harder for both men and their healthcare professionals to recognize when they might need mental health support.
Are men less likely to experience mental health conditions?
There’s a common assumption that women are more likely to have mental health conditions than men, especially when it comes to depression. But that doesn’t mean men aren’t affected.
In fact, in 2019, men in the United States died by suicide at a rate 3.7 timesTrusted Source greater than that of women.
Experts are increasingly acknowledging the complex factors at play when it comes to differences in how men and women experience mental health issues.
While biological factors, like hormone differences, can certainly play a role, they don’t tell the whole story. Internalized gender stereotypes, coping strategies, and clinical bias, among other things, may also impactTrusted Source assumptions about who experiences mental health conditions — not to mention *how* they experience them, which we’ll get into in a moment.
Why men are hesitant to reach out
According to the National Institute of Mental HealthTrusted Source, men are less likely to have received mental health treatment than women in the past year.
This doesn’t mean men don’t need or benefit from treatment.
Rather, “men can find it more difficult being open about their mental health and seeking support because it’s likely to go against the kinds of messages they received growing up,” explains Dr. Elena Touroni, a consultant psychologist and co-founder of The Chelsea Psychology Clinic.
She goes on to note that many cultures have strong cultural stereotypes around how men should behave, especially around managing their emotions and appearing “strong.”
Plus, men who don’t (or feel that they can’t) speak openly about their feelings might have a harder time recognizing the symptoms of mental health conditions in themselves.
Getting help with your mental health
If you’re thinking about reaching out for help but aren’t sure where to start, you have a few options.
Talk with your doctor
If you already regularly see a healthcare professional, they can be a good starting point. Depending on their background, they’ll likely refer you to someone who specializes in mental health, like a psychiatrist or psychologist.
Search online
You can also search through directories online.
For example, the American Psychological Association offers a psychologist locator tool that allows you to search for therapists in your area. Directories are especially helpful if you’re looking for a particular type of therapy or prefer a male therapist, because the tools allow you to filter your search.
HeadsUpGuys also offers a therapist finderthat includes professionals who specialize in working with men.
A few other databases to consider:
Medicare.gov’s healthcare provider tool (to find local professionals who accept Medicare)
Make some calls (or send some emails)
Before scheduling an appointment, reach out to therapists you’re interested in seeing.
Give them some basic background on what you’d like to address, as well as anything you’re looking for in a therapist. Do you want someone who’s available for night or weekend appointments? What about text support in between sessions? Are you interested in trying teletherapy, or would you prefer in-person sessions?
If you have health insurance, this is a good time to ask about that, too. Therapy isn’t always covered, but some therapists will provide documentation you can submit to your insurance provider for reimbursement.
During the appointment
Your therapist will likely spend the first session or two getting to know you. This is also an opportunity for you to get to know their approach, so don’t hesitate to ask any questions around what you can expect from future sessions.
It’s important you feel comfortable talking with the expert you choose. If you feel like you aren’t “clicking” with your therapist after a few sessions, you can always explore other options. Plenty of people have to see a few therapists before they find someone who’s a good fit.
Depending on your symptoms, your therapist might refer you to a psychiatrist to explore medication, including antidepressants.
Keep in mind that medication isn’t necessarily something you’ll need to take for the rest of your life. Sometimes, it just provides a temporary lift to help you start working through the underlying causes of your symptoms. A psychiatrist can also help you navigate any side effects you might experience.
Coping with mental health symptoms
Everyone can benefit from self-care, including men. While working with a mental health professional can be a big help, there are plenty of things you can do to support yourself between sessions.
Touroni highlights diet, sleep, and exercise as factors, but explains that “we also need to make sure we’re looking after our emotional well-being.”
And sometimes, that means being “able to acknowledge and stay with feelings — especially the uncomfortable ones — instead of pushing them away or denying them.”
Sitting with uncomfortable feelings is easier said than done, and that can make it easy to fall into unhelpful coping mechanisms, like substance use or ignoring emotions.
While both of these might offer some short-term benefits, they won’t offer long-lasting relief. In some cases, they might even create long-term issues.
The next time you find yourself experiencing an uncomfortable feeling or emotion, try:
doing a quick body scan meditation
writing out what you’re feeling
practicing some simple breathing techniques
As you navigate different ways of managing your emotions, be gentle with yourself. If you don’t reach for the “perfect” coping mechanisms on a bad day, for example, don’t beat yourself up. There will always be another opportunity to practice new strategies.
Learn how to make your own self-care checklist that meets your needs.
Opening up to friends
Talking about what you’re going through with a friend can also be a big help, but that may be difficult if your friends are also men who might have a hard time opening up. But starting that conversation might end up being beneficial for both of you.
Mark Meier, the executive director of the Face It Foundation, says it’s important for men to “learn to understand the nuances of emotion” and recognize that negative emotions are “normal and recurring emotions throughout life.”
You can try starting the conversation with something like, “I’ve been going through a lot. Do you have time to catch up later this week?”
If you feel up for it, you can also make yourself available to a friend in need with a simple, “I noticed you’ve seemed kind of down lately. Just want you to know I’m always available to talk if you need it.”
The bottom line
Mental health can be hard to think about. And identifying that you’re finding it difficult or that you might need help isn’t always easy — particularly for men.
However, it’s best to speak out. Whether you open up to a friend or family member or consult your doctor, there’s help out there, and ways to help manage your mental health yourself, too.
Thought/ Journal Topics:
What parts of this article do you relate to?
What things can you do regularly to check in with your male friends?
What do you feel your role is as a man or how do you see a males role in Society?
How do you want to be described by other men?
Which men in your life do you respect and why?
