Dealing With Rejection
Dealing with rejection
(Billi’s thoughts)
Nothing blows quite as hard as being rejected. The gut-wrenching emotions that follow after you’ve put yourself out there, been vulnerable, and had your hopes up never feels good.
I always thought the response to rejection is linked to low self-esteem. Lately I’ve been learning to thrive in who I am but the feelings of being rejected still burn just as hard.
Whether it be a friend, someone you like, a job you applied for, or studies you put your heart into, it all sucks.
Maybe it comes from the lack of control we have on some situations. That no matter how hard you try or feel something is right, nothing is really in our control except our own reactions to a situation.
For me now, when rejected, I like to tell myself that it wasn’t meant to be at this time of my life.
In saying that, it still doesn’t stop the emotions from rolling in.
“How to handle rejection gracefully: 10 mindful tips for moving on”
-Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, CDCES, MBA for Calm.com
(Edited / shortened for our reading. Check out the full article below)
Rejection is an experience we all face at some point in our lives, whether it's in our personal relationships, professional endeavors, or social interactions. It can be painful and challenging, but understanding how to handle rejection gracefully can transform it into an opportunity for growth and self-improvement.
What is rejection and why does it hurt so much?
Rejection may occur when a person or group declines or dismisses someone's attempt at connection.
The pain associated with rejection may be rooted in our need for social connections and acceptance as well as the value we place on our connections with others.
Recognizing the nature of rejection can help us approach it more constructively, seeing it not as a personal flaw but as a part of the human experience. This understanding helps us build resilience, enhances our self-worth, and constructs a healthier, more positive approach to setbacks and disappointments.
What are the 5 stages of rejection?
1. Denial
Initially, there might be an unwillingness to accept the rejection. This stage serves as a temporary defense mechanism, giving us time to adjust to the new reality.
2. Anger
Following denial, feelings of anger may surface. This anger can be directed at oneself, the person who caused the feeling of rejection, or the situation at large.
3. Bargaining
At this stage, we might attempt to negotiate a way out of our hurt. This could involve mentally revisiting the rejection and imagining what could have been done differently to avoid the outcome.
4. Depression
As the reality of the situation settles in, feelings of sadness or depression may arise. This is a reflection of the loss or disappointment experienced through rejection.
5. Acceptance
The final stage is acceptance, where there is an acknowledgment of the rejection and its effects. This stage is important for moving forward, as it involves coming to terms with the situation and finding ways to grow from the experience.
How to handle rejection more gracefully
In all contexts, building resilience and self-worth is key. Developing a growth mindset, embracing learning opportunities, and learning self-compassion and self-care practices are helpful strategies. Reframing negative thoughts and reaching out to friends or loved ones can also help support emotional stability and personal growth.
How to move on from rejection: 10 steps to help you move forward
If you keep moving forward after experiencing rejection then you can use the experience as a catalyst for personal growth and positive change. If you’re not sure where to start, these ten steps can help.
1. Acknowledge your feelings
It's important to give yourself permission to feel sad, disappointed, or frustrated without judgment.
2. Reflect on the experience
Ask yourself what you can learn from the rejection and how it can contribute to your personal development.
💙 Practicing Acceptance is the first step toward acknowledging rejection and turning it into a learning experience.
3. Practice self-compassion
Avoid self-criticism and instead, offer yourself the empathy and care you would extend to a good friend.
4. Engage in self-care
Prioritize activities that promote your wellbeing and relaxation. This might include exercise, hobbies, meditation, or spending time with loved ones.
5. Set realistic goals
Establish achievable objectives for yourself in areas unrelated to the rejection. This can help rebuild your confidence and provide a sense of accomplishment.
6. Focus on your strengths and accomplishments
Remind yourself of your positive qualities and past successes. This can help counterbalance any negative feelings associated with the rejection.
7. Maintain a positive outlook
Recognize that rejection is a temporary setback and not a permanent reflection of your abilities or worth.
8. Practice mindfulness
This can enhance your emotional equilibrium and resilience by keeping your focus on the present and reducing fixation about the past or anxiety about the future.
9. Seek support
Reach out to friends, family, or professionals for support. Sharing your experiences and feelings can provide relief and valuable perspectives.
10. Embrace new opportunities
Rejection can sometimes redirect you toward different opportunities that align better with your values and goals. Stay open to life’s possibilities.
How to handle rejection FAQs
Why does it hurt so much to be rejected?
Rejection hurts because it may tap into our fundamental need for acceptance and belonging. When we are rejected, it can feel like a direct challenge to our self-worth and our place within a group or relationship. This pain is a natural emotional response, signaling the importance we place on our social connections and aspirations. Understanding that the pain is a common human experience can help in processing these feelingsand finding constructive ways to deal with them.
Should you be friends with someone who rejected you?
Deciding to remain friends with someone who rejected you depends on the nature of the rejection. If maintaining a friendship doesn't compromise your emotional wellbeing and you feel capable of genuinely supporting and valuing the relationship without resentment or unresolved feelings, then it can be an option. However, if staying friends hinders your ability to move on or causes ongoing discomfort, it may be better to focus on other relationships that support your happiness and self-esteem.
Should you talk to someone who rejected you?
Whether or not you should talk to someone who rejected you depends on your reasons for wanting the conversation and what you hope to achieve. If you're seeking closure or clarity and believe a conversation could be constructive and respectful, it might be worth considering. However, if reaching out is likely to reopen wounds or if the interaction could be detrimental to your emotional recovery, then prioritize your emotional health and wellbeing by focusing on healing and moving on independently.
Thought/ Journal Topics:
How does rejection make you feel?
Reflect on how you saw rejection while growing up.
Reflect on how you see or deal with rejection now.
Do you feel that some rejection as an adult is connected to feeling hurt as a child ?
Write 5 things about why you love yourself.
Write 5 things you wish you could tell your younger you about how much you love them.
After reading the article what are some things you learnt and want to take with you when dealing with rejection?
